Moving Beyond the Bumble Brag
Shine without Shame
I almost got cold feet publishing this essay… which is the whole point.
Last week, I promised I’d share the behavior that irks me most, which I’m trying to lean into. It’s a classic case of “You Spot It, You Need It”, when we reject a trait we need to embrace, because we’re stuck in a judgment loop.
Even though it’s become common practice, embedded in modern society’s needs, I still buck at self-promotion. I compulsively roll my eyes when someone introduces themselves through their accomplishments. I find name-dropping distasteful, and perceive it as a way of using others to “get ahead.” I’m suspicious of people who pose more statements than questions. And I tend to label those who always talk about themselves as self-centered or even narcissistic.
An Italian friend recently told me it’s because I’m “European.” That this self-pedestaling is embedded in American culture. She may be right, growing in France likely set a different standard of what is deemed acceptable. Or perhaps being raised by social workers and educators instilled values of service and humility. And surely being a woman compounded the belief that self-praise is shameful.
Whether it’s due to culture, social class, or gender, I’ve shied away from any behavior that I perceive as conceited. My aversion has taken many forms: from avoiding “selfie” photos at all cost, to discrediting my work on many occasions.
Ironically, I’ve had no issue promoting the work of others and that ability has been central to my work as an art curator, agent, and writer. When it comes to expounding the skills of others, I do it with ease and passionate enthusiasm. In those instances, I transform into the megaphone, the cheering audience, and the stage upon which another’s talent can shine.
But when it comes to sharing my own creative work, I become mute. And if someone else sings my praises, I quickly segue into a different conversation. Just recently, a friend introduced me to someone via email and referred to me as a “fancy creative director.” I shrieked with shame. My first impulse (which I resisted) was to respond to the introduction by saying “I’m not fancy! I swear I’m down to earth!”
The deep-rooted belief here is that by sharing my work, others will perceive me in a different light. The fear works in both directions: whether they think I’m better or worse. Either way, I feel like I’ll be placed somewhere on the ladder of esteem, and be looked up or looked down upon. When the reality is that I wish to be standing on the ground, connecting human to human.
This dilemma seems to correlate to what Gay Hendricks calls “the crime of outshining,” as explained in
’s brilliant essay ‘Do You Have an Upper Limit Problem?’ According to Hendricks, it stems from the attitude of “don’t shine too much, or you’ll make others feel bad or look bad.”It also reminds me of a line from my favorite Marianne Williamson poem ‘Our Deepest Fear”, where she writes: “There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.”
We may think that it’s honorable to be modest and not take up too much space in the room. But there is nothing particularly dignified about silencing or minimizing our talents, skills, and offerings. It’s a disservice to ourselves, and others, when we withhold what we create. We dedicate years to honing our skills and talents, with the very purpose of sharing it with others. But how can people benefit from our gifts, if they’re unaware of them?
On this very topic,
published a piece this week, sharing the words of Tyler the Creator:“I’m still promoting an album that came out a year ago. I put too much time and energy into this finished project just to put it on Instagram and forget about it. No. Promote. Let people know. Be proud of what you made.”
I’ve been attempting to view self-promotion in a new light: as a form of self-respect and service to others. To reframe selfishness as withholding my work, rather than sharing it.
Even though I’ve kept my profession relatively separate from this newsletter, the two are deeply intertwined. For those of you who have asked me how I find the imagery that I include, or discover the music that I suggest –– this may offer some insight. For the past 15 years of my career, I’ve zigzagged through various creative fields, from art, music, publishing, and philanthropy. In many ways, all those experiences have led me to Seven Senses.
So this week, instead of my usual 7 sensory recommendations, I’m offering you a little glimpse into my work, through a sensory CV: See, Hear, Smell, Taste, Touch, Balance and Envision.
I’m pushing past the discomfort of putting my work “out there” (where does it go?!), and hope that sharing it will benefit some of you. For those interested, you can visit my freshly-redesigned website: kenshostudio.co or email me at sabrina@kenshostudio.co
In Joy,
Sabrina
PS: if you’d like me to write more in depth about a particular chapter of my career, take the poll at the end.
SEE
Art curator
When I was still paying bills as a waitress living in NYC, I started getting involved in art curation. I joined two of my restaurant colleagues who launched a successful series of silent art auctions called Silent Noise.
The idea was to exhibit unrepresented artists and auction their work at reasonable starting bids – giving artists the opportunity to show and sell their work and also giving people a chance to purchase an affordable piece of artwork.
I started developing curatorial ideas and applying to various gallery and museum open-calls and grants. One of my proposals, ‘Dreaming Reality’ was selected by Rush Arts, a gallery founded by brothers Danny Simmons, and music legends Russell Simmons and Joseph Simmons aka ‘Rev.Run DMC.’
Even though my career ended up taking a more commercial route, I’ve continued to find ways to integrate curating into my work. In recent years, I’ve curated a poetry immersion for NeueHouse as well as a film event with Saul Williams.
HEAR
Artist agent | Music Label Creative
I never intended to work in the music industry – I sort of accidentally fell into it. Somehow working with visual artists led me to the sonic side. It first started when I was working as the assistant to a photographer and director in New York. That experience exposed me to the world of fashion, advertisement, music videos and independent film. I worked with him on set, learning about cameras, light, location – all things production.
That led me to become an artist agent for Probation, a photography agency based in London. My role was to represent their talent in the US, by building a network of clients across advertising agencies, record labels, and magazine publishing.
The agency had built a reputation on its legendary music work, so I was steeped in that world. During those years, I could often be found at a concert, music festival, or on the set of a photoshoot. Our clients included artists such as Mumford & Sons, Coldplay, Thom Yorke, Beck, Tame Impala and countless others.
Eventually the tables turned and I ended up working at a record label, as a director of creative content, where my role was to develop the visual art for the music roster and commission the suited photographer or art director etc. I was there for only a short stint, but I was lucky to work with the label’s newly signed talent: Billie Eillish.
SMELL
No olfactory experience
Even though I’ve had a multi-sensory work experience, it has lacked the olfactory sense. I’ve never worked in perfumery, or botanicals. But the wide-range of clients I work with often leads me to learn about an assortment of topics. The closest ones to scent have been a high-end landscaping firm (MNLA) in New York City, and more recently a luxurious brand of solid shampoos (crafted from local botanicals).
TASTE
Hostess | Bartender | Waitress
My restaurant years don’t seem to relate to my creative career, but in many ways they were at the core of all my connections. I started curating art shows thanks to my restaurant colleagues, who founded Silent Noise. I learned about the world of photography and film after being hired by a customer. And some of my favorite people, I’ve met while working in hospitality.
During those restaurant years, I also developed strong social qualities, work ethic, and tolerance for odd hours and high stress environments –– skills that proved very handy in my creative field. Plus, it paid the bills while allowing me flexible hours.
I first started in college working as a hostess, at family-owned restaurants on the Upper West side. I pushed my way to be trained as a waitress and bartender. Once I had enough experience under my belt, I started heading to some of the busiest downtown restaurants: either the hot spot of the moment (even if it would only last for a year), or old school NY institutions that remained reliably busy no matter the revolving trends.
Some of the hot spots included Sushi Samba, the Japanese-Brazilian fusion restaurant featured on Sex & the City, with both locals and tourists flocking to sip Cosmos. The year I graduated college, I also worked at the popular Cafe Habana, the casual Cuban cafe in Nolita. The space was tiny and crowded, sweaty and sexy. Even though the menu was cheap, it wasn’t rare to have celebrity customers, and a two-hour long line out the door to get a table.
Finally, my last stop was Cafe Mogador. This Moroccan restaurant is an East Village institution that’s been successfully running for over 40 years. It was a bustling and stressful place to work, but I have really fond memories of my time there. I still enjoy visiting and having a meal there when I’m in town.
My food experience has recently found its way into my curatorial work. Last month, I launched the Tasting Color dinner series with Chef Tracy Tober, with the first edition (green) hosted in LA. I’m currently planning our next color for late summer.
TOUCH
Anthropology assistant | Publicist | Writer | Features Editor
Just as I was starting my first foray into art curating, I also launched a blog interviewing artists. The goal was to counteract the over-intellectual art magazines, through a simple set of questions, inspired by a Proust questionnaire. I ended up interviewing over 80 artists – visiting many artist studios and recording countless conversations.
That blog ended up serving as a writing and interview portfolio and opened some doors to other media opportunities. I started writing for other publications, such as BlackBook and Huff Post, and a beautiful cultural magazine called The Ground, where I eventually became a Features Editor. I got to work closely with the editor in chief, curating the themes for the print publication, commissioning other writers and photographers, and developing some of the magazine’s curated exhibits.
In those early years, I also did a number of other writing-related jobs, including working at two PR firms (one specialized in fashion and the other in luxury real estate). I learned to craft a press release and pitch stories to journalists – skills which continue to serve me today.
Another odd one worth mentioning is that during and after college, I worked as the assistant to a French anthropologist. My main duty was to type up the field notes from her deceased husband, who was also an anthropologist. His expertise was the study of cannibalism, and the notes consisted of his months of research with various cannibalistic tribes around the world.
BALANCE
Creative Strategist for Philanthropy and Spirituality
As an independent creative, I often have the choice as to which mission I want to amplify. Do I want to help sell more wasteful products? Or do I want to spread ideas, stories, and tools that can benefit us? Those have been the questions that have led me to refine who I’ve worked with over the years.
My life and my work have never been completely separate. So my interests often reflect the clients I work with. As I’ve grown in my spiritual practice, as a Vipassana meditator and seeker of various paths, I’ve been increasingly interested in working within that field.
Some of those aligned spiritual clients have included the Alan Watts Organization, for which I developed a content strategy, launched their social channels, and led artists partnerships. I was also lucky to work with the Ram Dass Foundation to translate the seminal book ‘Be Here Now’ into an animation story with director Chris Mauch.
ENVISION
What’s next?
I’ve recently revamped my creative studio’s website and I’m excited that Francesca Forquet is joining as Director of Design and Photography. We’ve been plotting the next chapter of the creative studio, and the type of work we’d like to focus on. Though I can’t predict the future, I imagine that my creative path will continue to criss-cross and weave a web across art, music, film, and philanthropy.
This is just ... so cool.
And the new website looks great!!