Four Strangers on a Balcony

Present Sense № 37

‘Coffee Seeks Its Own Level’ by Allan Wexler

Welcome to Present Sense – a weekend curation with 7 sensory recommendations: something to SEE, HEAR, SMELL, TASTE, TOUCH, BALANCE and ENVISION.

I stepped out onto the deck for a little quiet moment. It was the second birthday party of the night and I needed to catch my breath. I noticed two sliding doors at the end of the living room, which led to a little balcony. One table, three chairs, and a bunch of cacti against the railing. No one was out there, so I took a seat, slowly sipping on my cocktail. It felt like a little respite from the music and the overlapping conversations.

Most people were hovering around the dining room table, enjoying the exquisite food that had been served: wagyu beef, Japanese sweet potatoes topped with miso, stuffed lettuce cups, clams with panko displayed on a bed of ice with lemon wedges. Our friend’s wife had hired a wonderful chef to mark the occasion of a new decade.

Other guests were on the rooftop, enjoying the view. The house was perched on a hill, overlooking the hip neighborhood of Silverlake, on the east side of Los Angeles. You could see the mountains across the way with thousands of shining home lights and hear the distant hum of the freeway.

After a few minutes, two people popped their heads outside and asked if they could join me. At first, I assumed they were a couple but later learned they had just met. They seemed to be seeking the same thing: a little pocket of calm. Shortly after, another person joined us: a woman in her 70s wearing lavender colored glasses.

I forget how our chat started but it didn’t include any of the usual ice breakers. None of us asked what we did for work, nor what neighborhood we lived in: two parameters typically used to measure someone’s career and social class, and whether one can benefit from it.

Somehow our little foursome got into a perfect conversational groove, with one interesting question leading to another, revealing the most unusual yet fascinating aspects of ourselves. Some of these included:

1. What was the most fun time of your life?

2. What age do you feel inside? (it felt fitting that each of us are in different decades, spanning 30s to 70s – though none of us “felt” like our age)

3. Does being a parent make you feel more immature or mature? (only one person in the group – the man – was a parent)

4. Are you ambitious? (this spurred a debate on what ambition is). Does ambition make us fulfilled or dissatisfied?

5. Do you crave or shy away from the spotlight?

At some point, my husband and his boisterous friend came out to see us. But somehow their presence disturbed the group’s harmonious exchange, my partner noticed and lured his friend back inside. When we drove back home later that night, he told me he could sense that our group had created a delicate and perfect balance and he didn’t want to intrude. Him and I then discussed how magical those moments are – when four strangers find each other at a party and engage in the most enthralling conversation for hours. How does it happen?

Even though I don’t think these types of connections can be forced, I believe a few ingredients can help us concoct them:

1. Phones Off / Conversations On: I had purposely left my phone at home that day, with the intention of being present at both birthday parties, and not distracted by my machine. If I hadn’t made that choice, I would have used that moment alone on the balcony as an excuse to scroll, which would have made me less approachable.

2. Be Curious/ Stay Open: I think I got lucky that the people who joined me naturally have those qualities. We were all so open to meeting new people and wanting to forge genuine connections. It also helped that none of us knew each other so we were all starting at the same leveled ground as strangers getting to know one another.

3. Ask Questions / Listen to Answers: This correlates to being curious but it also relates to being truly attentive in a conversation. My partner noticed that when he caught a glimpse of our group dynamics that there wasn’t a dominant “leader” in the group. We weren’t all hovering around someone who hordes all the attention. We naturally took turns to ask and answer questions. I later found out that our group was composed of a documentary filmmaker, a poet, a podcaster and a writer – so we’re all very apt at question-asking.

4. Be Present / Don’t Future Plan: When connections like these happen, it is so tempting to want to carry them out into the future. I had to restrain myself from asking everyone’s phone numbers and make plans to get together. I did succumb to exchanging contacts with one of the women, and we’re hoping to grab coffee soon. But I have to remind myself that a connection can be both deep and fleeting. We can share the best conversation for one night and never see each other again. It doesn’t make the exchange sad or less meaningful (which I used to believe) but rather reminds us that impermanence imbues moments with beauty.

I’m hoping to carry these learnings to the next summer parties and celebrations – into all areas of my life, really. May they open doors to deep connections, expansive conversations, and soft moments of presence.

This weekend’s Present Sense edition includes the sensory discoveries that have inspired me lately – with something to SEE, HEAR, SMELL, TASTE, TOUCH, BALANCE and ENVISION.

In Joy,

Sabrina

SEE

Dividing Light | art by James Turrell (2007)

James Turrell is one of my favorite visual artists (I’ve written about my Turrell experiences here). I recently found out (thanks to

Tatum Dooley

) that he has a permanent and free installation at Pomona College (where he’s an alumni). The concept is pretty simple yet the result is transcendent: a cut-out in the ceiling that reveals the sky, with colored lights that change colors. The installation can only be seen during sunrise or sunset as the colors contrast with the evolving sky.

HEAR

Luminal + Lateral | music albums by Brian Eno & Beatie Wolfe

Listen on Spotify (Luminal/Lateral), Youtube (Luminal/ Lateral), Apple Music (Luminal/ Lateral)

I’ve been dreaming and moving (mainly driving) to these two collaborative albums by Brian Eno and Beatie Wolfe. Luminal is described as “Dream music” and Lateral is “Space music”. Both albums were just released a couple weeks ago and are becoming the soothing soundtrack I needed. They’re also available on CD and eco-friendly biovinyl. And yes, the album cover art does resemble a James Turrell piece.

SMELL

Jacaranda Trees

It’s the time of the year when Los Angeles turns purple. Jacaranda trees are in bloom and paving our streets with their beautiful silky petals. They only last for a few weeks but turn the city into a fairy-tale-like backdrop.

TASTE

BBQ Salmon with mango salsa | recipe

I recently tried this recipe, which I found on pinch of yum, and it’s packed with summer flavors (especially now that mangoes are in season).

INGREDIENTS

Salmon:

- 1–2 lbs. fresh salmon

- 2 tablespoons brown sugar

- 2 teaspoons smoked paprika

- 2 teaspoons onion powder

- 1 teaspoon garlic powder

- 1/2 teaspoon chili powder

- 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt (more for a larger filet)

- 2 tablespoons olive oil

Mango Avocado Salsa:

- 2 mangoes, diced (I prefer alphonso mangoes)

- 1 avocado, diced

- 1/4 cup minced cilantro

- 1/4 cup minced red onion

- 1/2 jalapeño, minced (optional, to taste)

- 1 teaspoon honey

- 2 tablespoons lime juice + 1 teaspoon lime zest

- salt to taste

For serving: 1 cup of rice

METHOD:

- Mango salsa: Toss all ingredients in a bowl to combine.

- Cook your rice according to package directions.

Salmon:

- Preheat the oven to 475 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

- Mix the spices and the olive oil to make a paste. Place the salmon skin side down on the baking sheet. Rub the paste over the top part of the salmon.

- Bake for 7-10 minutes depending on the thickness of your salmon and your desired doneness.

- Serve with rice and mango salsa with a squeeze of lime

Note: you can also cook the salmon on the grill.

TOUCH

Double Game | Book by Sophie Calle

A very serendipitous moment this week: I found this rare art book at my favorite bookstore (Bart’s Books) during a visit to Ojai.

In 1992, author Paul Auster wrote a novel ‘Leviathan’ where one of his characters (Maria) was partly inspired by his friend, the French visual artist Sophie Calle.

Sophie Calle decided “to turn Paul Auster’s novel into a game” by bringing to life the fictional details in the book. For example, the character of Maria would eat monochromatic meals every day of the week. So Sophie Calle decided to recreate this made-up detail with a photo series called ‘Monochromatic Diet.’

This particular remix of ideas became the basis for my own ongoing ‘Tasting Color’ dinner series.

BALANCE

Dancing in the Sky | Air Canada dance floor (1970s)

I wish I could have experienced dancing on an airplane. A reality in the 1970s thanks to Air Canada which installed a dance floor on the upper deck of its Boeing 747 aircraft. Their goal was to attract passengers by providing a unique in-flight experience that included music played from 8-track tapes and a mirrored wall.

ENVISION

Origami Ballet | Human + A.I art / music ‘The Curse’ by Agnes Obel

I’ve been very resistant to A.I, especially when it comes to replacing creative labor. But this piece felt like an exception: blending the movement of real dancers with technology. In many ways, it reminded me of how animation directors film real people in order to capture and then recreate realistic movements.