I had a dream last week that I was on a tropical island, with turquoise calm waters and an expanse of white sand beaches. I was awaiting my turn to receive an astrology reading by Colin Bedell (aka @queercosmos). He took a quick look at my chart and declared: “You’ve been way too serious lately. You need to have MORE FUN!”
It felt like I was given a prescription after a medical exam, with clear orders on how to heal. I woke up with a smile the next morning, declaring out loud: “I need to have more fun!” It set me in a good mood for the rest of the day, as I hopped around in my kitchen declaring “more fun! more fun! more fun!”
When did life stop being fun? Part of it stems from a collective mood, with the current state of our country casting a dark cloud over our lives, sucking the joy from our existence and infusing it with despair. It seems almost inappropriate to even be considering fun as a viable option. It feels like we should walk around with hunched backs and remove smiles from our facial expressions. The unconscious memo is that desperate times demand serious demeanors.
But this heaviness seems to go beyond our current politics. It feels like fun slipped out the door long ago. It didn’t make a splashy exit, but rather quietly tiptoed out in recent years. Did it happen during the pandemic? Did it occur with our increasing social media use? Or did it slowly slither out as we got older?
I was reminiscing with a friend how our twenties felt. Even though we were already working hard (perhaps even harder), we were much more care-free. We already had the responsibility of paying rent and other bills, and our bank accounts were often much more depleted than they are now, but we were less consumed by anxiety and worry. Our lifestyle was probably less healthy: eating greasy pizza slices, not working out, staying out late, etc. Yet we were filled with vigor, optimism and playfulness.
We weren’t looking far into the future, trying to crack problems that didn’t yet exist. We were simply living day by day, week by week, driven by faith or delusion. Either way, we were having a lot more fun.
So what happened? Surely, as we got older we started donning a cloak of seriousness and wearing the hat of responsibility. Life became something to solve rather than to be enjoyed. We started marching to the rhythm of three letter words: TAX, KID, IRA, EGO. Suddenly, we were meant to get things in order -– walking along straight lines, rather than curvy paths. No more scenic life routes, but rather productive shortcuts.
Fun became a small dot in the rearview mirror, until we completely lost sight of it. But lately, I’m trying to find my way back to it. It’s hard to even notice fun when we’re zipping through our day. Slowing down has been integral to reconnecting with joy.
Socrate’s classic advice of “Know Thyself” has also proven to be helpful. What I’ve realized is that certain sources of fun don’t change with time, while others evolve over the years.
I’ve always enjoyed good food, seeing and making art, and spending time in nature – even as a child. But then there’s certain pleasures that are linked to specific eras. When I was a child, I enjoyed the thrill-seeking of roller-coaster rides, which evolved into watching scary movies as a teenager. But those activities have now become antithesis to joy. Fear is no longer something I equate with fun (perhaps life gets naturally scarier with age).
In my twenties, I used to love clubbing, to the sound of loud music, dark lights and alcohol flowing. While I still enjoy dancing, I’ve recently found alternatives that don’t involve fancy venues or shady raves. I’ve swapped out overpriced cocktails for my reusable water bottle. Now, I avoid crowded spaces and much prefer intimate gatherings. My nocturnal rhythms have evolved into ocean gazing at sunrise or morning hikes.
Whenever I’ve tried to engage in the activities that used to be fun but no longer are, I feel like I’m trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. I try to embody what I used to enjoy but the more I force it, the less fun it becomes.
I now equate joy with a sense of serenity, an inner calmness in my nervous system. But fun can also come with effort. Going on a long hike can be challenging and ecstatic. Planning an event can be stressful and also joyful. Writing can be agonizing and liberating.
When discussing this topic with friends,
reminded me that fun can’t always be planned. Indeed, the most fun I’ve had in the past year was when my partner and I played a game of destiny, as a celebration for our 10 year anniversary. Fun doesn’t have to involve consumption nor cost a lot of money. In this case, all we needed was to roll a dice and spin a bottle – offering us the most memorable adventure. After all, fun isn’t simply an activity but it’s a state of mind of openness, connection, and wonder. If you missed the piece, you can read it here:
This week’s Present Sense is all about the sensory activities that have provided a good dose of fun lately with something to SEE, HEAR, SMELL, TASTE, TOUCH, BALANCE, and ENVISION.
In Joy,
Sabrina
